Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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