worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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