weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
