also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
