rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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