I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
