Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
