I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Found the puke drawer
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
