Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
