the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
