Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
