can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
