Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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