he shaved USA in his pubs
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
