and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
