i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
