I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
