Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
