Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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