you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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