3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He felt like a one man threesome
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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