What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
