Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
