Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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