After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
