She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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