At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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