So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
