I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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