i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
