Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
