I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
