he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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