Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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