I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
