I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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