girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm sobbing to NWA
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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