He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
