alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize