i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
