just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
