dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
