Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
