Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
