YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
