Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
