The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
