i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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