He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
