dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
