I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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